


The Difficulties and Delights of Change

by notaguitarfret



Series: "They're all girlfriends" AU [34]
Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/F, Happy pride month, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Transphobia, omg trans rights motherfucker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:48:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24805693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notaguitarfret/pseuds/notaguitarfret
Summary: Change is hard, even though it feels like it really shouldn't be.Surely it can only get easier?
Relationships: Heather Chandler/Heather Duke, Heather Chandler/Heather McNamara, Heather Chandler/Veronica Sawyer, Heather Duke/Heather McNamara/Veronica Sawyer, Heather Duke/Veronica Sawyer, Heather McNamara/Veronica Sawyer
Series: "They're all girlfriends" AU [34]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1053590
Comments: 21
Kudos: 143





	The Difficulties and Delights of Change

“Why didn’t you _tell_ me your birthday was today, you fucking pillowcase?”

Heather did not miss Veronica’s look of dismay in realising what phrase just escaped her mouth. It was somewhat strange to hear, but jarring wasn’t the word she was looking for. Just… odd.

“Jesus, since when have I been picking up her mannerisms?” she heard Veronica mutter, before shooting JD a glare. “I haven’t got you a present, you dumb fuck! Wait, shit, no, that’s a Chandler-ism too…” She glanced down at Heather with a concerned look on her face. “Mara, why am I picking up her dumb phrases _now_ out of all times?”

“Probably because you miss her,” Mara said. Veronica bit her lip.

“I won’t deny that,” she grumbled, before turning back to JD. “ _As I was saying-_ ”

“Because Valentine’s Day sucks,” he replied bluntly. “I refuse to celebrate my birthday on the worst Holiday.” Martha gasped.

“But it’s a day to celebrate your relationships! Especially romantic ones.”

“Okay, one, you should be doing that _every day._ Two, doesn’t anyone think it’s some sort of cruel, twisted fate that I, an aromantic anti-capitalist was born on February 14th?”

“That is cruel irony indeed,” Betty said. “Yeah, sorry, Veronica, he doesn’t celebrate his birthday on his birthday.”

“Still, you didn’t tell me your birthday was coming up, therefore I wasn’t able to go shopping for a present,” Veronica grunted. “You bought me a whole set of cartilage piercings to match yours; I need to give you something in return.”

Mara, curious, looked up to Veronica’s two small black studs in her ear, then glanced at JD’s ear to find the exact same thing.

“You have no obligation to,” JD said. “Don’t worry about it.”

“No, I will worry about it,” Veronica said. “Especially since out of all of us, I’m the wealthiest - which is weird for me to say, after being the least wealthiest Heather for so long.”

“Hey, do I not count? I thought I was basically an honorary member of this friendship group,” Heather said with a frown. She may not show it, but she was actually kind of offended - not by not being recognised for her wealth, but by the implication that she wasn’t part of this friendship circle. It was a weird feeling to have; these are the types of people she’d taught herself to avoid for _years,_ and now in a matter of days she was forcing herself to unlearn the discomfort of being associated with nobodies. Yes, that sounded cruel, and no, she had no better way of wording it right now.

Veronica shot her an apologetic glance. “Oh… sorry, I just…” She rubbed her temples. “I view the Heathers and my friends as water and oil. Even when they mix… they don’t.”

Heather tilted her head in confusion.

“I mean, I don’t associate you as one of them, even if I should.”

“Oh.” She rubbed her arm, unsure how to process that information. Instead, she decided to steer the topic. “You don’t have to feel bad for not getting JD a present. I forgot to get you a Valentine’s gift.”

Veronica frowned. “And I forgot to get you one, because-”

“We were both too sad over the weekend to go shopping?”

“Precisely.” Veronica groaned. “Okay, so, late Valentine’s and birthday gifts because we’re all a mess, I guess. At the very least, we have the excuse of _no one_ having their shit together right now.” 

“Oh, there you are!”

Heather and Veronica turned around at the sound of Duke’s voice. Through the dull school yard she walked with pride, acting like a shield to deflect the stares and muttering that just wouldn’t stop. She stopped just next to Heather.

“I was wondering where you were.” She looked back and forth between Veronica and Heather. “I don’t have them with me now for obvious reasons, but just so you know, I have your Valentine’s gifts in the car.”

Veronica pursed her lips and clapped her hands. “Okay, _one_ person has their shit together right now, and it’s Heather.” When Duke shot an odd look at her, she continued. “Mara and I kinda forgot to buy Valentine’s presents.”

“But we will!” Mara clarified. “Just… late.”

“Well, don’t feel pressured, I’m not bothered about receiving any.” She patted Heather on the shoulder. “You look troubled.”

It took a moment to realise Duke was talking directly to her. Heather blinked.

“Hm? Troubled?”

“You’re zoning out and you’re stimming a lot slower than usual.” She nodded to her hands, which were indeed squeezing one another slowly, before releasing and doing it again. Heather hardly noticed she was doing it.

“I’m fine,” she said. “It’s just… the other week I told Heather I’d plan a Valentine’s date for her, and now I… can’t do that.”

Duke frowned. “Technically you still could. You’re only taking a break through association.” She nodded to Veronica.

“I can’t do that. I’m sticking with Veronica.”

“I will never understand how you can so easily ditch Heather for someone who you have known for so much less time in comparison,” Duke said with a huff of laughter, resting an arm on her shoulder.. Heather failed to find humour in her statement, though.

“Maybe I’d find it easier if she was nicer,” she snapped, before placing a hand over her mouth. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“No, it’s okay.”

Biting her lip, Heather asked, “How is she?”

Duke stared at her, a grimace slowly forming on her expression. “Uh…”

“Oh.” Her shoulders slumped, even if she had just basically asked her to dampen her day. What other answer did she expect? That she was having the time of her life all by herself?

“Hey, it’s fine. I’ve been checking up on her to make sure she doesn’t do anything dumb,” she told her. “Now, moving on from her, I miss seeing your usual joyful self. When are you next free?”

Heather shrugged. “Why?”

“For a Valentine’s date?”

“Oh.”

She watched Duke’s smile drop. “You’re not in the mood for going out on dates right now, are you?”

She shook her head apologetically.

“Veronica?”

“Maybe soon? Just… not now,” she said whilst rubbing her arm. “I’d love to go on one with you and Mara, but I don’t think I’d be very fun to be around.”

“That’s… okay. Don’t worry about it.” Duke offered a smile, but Heather could see the corners of her mouth twitch, like it was struggling to stay there. “I’m not going to drag you out when you’re not ready. Though, don’t suppose either or both of you would wanna hang this weekend anyway?”

Veronica slowly nodded. “I think that would help.”

“Me too. Thanks, Heather,” Heather said, and just as she spoke the bell rang.

“I’ll give you your presents after school when I give you a lift,” she said. “Just take it easy, okay?”

“I’ll do my best,” Heather murmured, and as she watched Duke stepped away from the group, and before she could even escape earshot of them, someone passing by called,

“How many boobjobs did it take for you to get tits like that?”

While Heather, Veronica and the rest of the group all cringed, Duke just caught eyes with the heckler and smirked.

“Keep staring at them and you might find out.”

It was very unlike Heather Duke to ever wear revealing clothes - even party clothes covered most of her, and she couldn’t name the last time she wore something that wasn’t made to show off someone’s figure. So to see her willingly and confidently unbutton the first button of her red and black patterned blouse was unusual, but by no means a bad thing. And sure, one button seemed like very little, but it was the perfect sort of tease for perverts covering their desire up with blatant transphobia.

“Sheesh,” Betty spoke up, shooting Duke an empathetic look. “How are you holding up so well?”

Duke clicked her tongue. “There’s a time and a place for falling apart, and in front of everyone just isn’t it.” She gave her a confident grin. “I know it’s shit, but I’m making the best out of it. I promise.”

While Betty looked doubtful, she responded with a nod, watching her make her way back inside the school with a guilty look in her eyes.

“I both admire and feel bad for her,” Betty grumbled. Veronica raised a brow.

“You? Admiring Heather Duke? I never thought I’d see the day.”

“Crazy things happen when you use your powers for good,” Betty grunted, before slipping her backpack on her shoulders. “So, we're all meeting at Martha’s for a movie night tomorrow then?”

Everyone nodded, apart from Heather, who wasn’t entirely sure what her answer should be. She glanced at Veronica as if to ask whether or not she was allowed to come, to which she chuckled and nodded.

“You too, Mara,” she said. “I assume?” She glanced at JD for confirmation, who gave a nod. Veronica thankfully smiled, before hurrying over and linking her arm with Heather’s. Heather eagerly accepted the gesture, finding that holding onto her girlfriend made walking down hallways and through crowds of people that once looked up to her a lot more comforting. She wasn’t exactly suffering, and she wasn’t about to compare her experience’s to Heather’s by any means, but she had to admit, the whiplash she faced from the sudden changes of routine were _more_ than intimidating to her.

Heather didn’t like unpredictability, and after spending years of having people move out her way and willingly kiss her ass, having people suddenly whisper about her and make numerous speculations about her sudden change in clique was discomforting, to say the least. No one had dared to make fun of her new associations - _yet_ \- so she was happy to have at least a _bit_ of power over students.

And that was quite possibly the worst part.

As much as it broke Heather’s heart to part from Chandler, she simply couldn’t stand back and let her pull the same shit she’d done for years yet again, this time on people who her girlfriend cared deeply about, as well as people who she herself had gotten to know herself as undeserving of torment. She _wanted_ to finally do a good thing and end that torment, but as it turns out, doing so wasn’t as simple as it sounded, because now she was conflicted with feelings of desperately wanting Heather back, wanting things to go back to their old, easier selves, and wanting to do the right thing.

It’s just that the right thing shouldn’t be so _difficult_ to do.

* * *

“Oh, Heather, that’s really sweet.”

Duke smiled with satisfaction as both of her girlfriends fondly gazed at their presents. Veronica, through her very exhausted look, had gained a sparkle in her gaze as she rotated the brand new silver and blue bracelet around her wrist, while Emmy rolled her beaded bracelet around her wrist with the corners of her lips turned up. Considering how distant the two of them had been lately, Heather definitely considered it a win.

“It was no problem at all,” she said. “You two still up for a date night later this week?”

“We said we would be, don’t worry,” Veronica assured her.

“Just making sure. You’ve both been so down.”

Veronica and Emmy shared a grimace.

“We’ll be fine,” Emmy said. “Everything’s just a little overwhelming right now.” She sighed. “How do you deal with all of it, Heather? Everything’s _changing._ ”

“Everything is always changing, Heather. It’s a matter of learning to adapt.”

“I’m very bad at adapting,” she muttered. Heather frowned, reaching an arm to the back seat to hold her hand.

“But you can still do it. You’re not the shy girl who clutched onto Heather for dear life anymore. You’re currently the only girl on the soccer team, for fuck’s sake. You have your first game this week!”

Her lips curled up. “I guess…”

“The whole school’s pretty shaken right now - it’s not just you. You’re not alone on this, you know. No one knows how to react.” She looked out her car window, at the students crowding onto the buses in the distance. “Everything feels a lot more surreal than it should. It’s not a matter of finding your old routine again - it’s finding a _new_ one.” She gave Emmy a determined look. “I know you’re scared of unpredictability, but I’ve seen you face that fear before.” She lightly punched her shoulder. “And I know you’re gonna demonstrate exactly that this week, at the soccer game. You know, when you win and impress all of us.”

“You don’t know tha-”

“No, Heather’s right, you’re gonna do great.” Veronica pulled her in for a hug, pressing a rough kiss against her cheek and ruffling her hair. Emmy protested, but the giggles that escaped her gave away how much she enjoyed it. “And we’ll both be right at the front of the crowd, cheering you on.”

With her girlfriends finally smiling, Heather turned her ignition key and began to drive. Emmy was the first to be dropped off, followed by Veronica. As she watched the brunette enter her house and close the door, she glanced at the bag in her front seat, peeking inside to make sure that the item she was hoping for was definitely in there. She’d already checked many times already, but it didn’t hurt to make sure.

When she arrived on Chandler’s street less than five minutes later, she muttered curses when she saw two cars on Heather’s drive that were not Heather’s cars. Knowing she’d have to go for plan B, she found a spot to park her car further down the street, out of the house’s direct view. She grabbed her bag and hopped out, speed-walking down the street and keeping her hair over her face when she was in view of the windows. She then ran across the road and darted down the side of her house, debating whether or not she should call Heather.

_Nah._

Quickly figuring out a route, she began to climb up the wooden net along the wall - which mind you, was _not_ as stable as it looked - and occasionally she would get the fright of her life when her footing slipped. She was able to reach the glass and knock from where she hung, though she did it particularly hard because her fingers were already aching and shaking from holding her whole weight up. The window thankfully opened quickly, and Chandler poked her head out to look to her right, and then her left, where she bit back a yelp of surprise.

“ _Heather?_ ”

“Let me in before I fall and break my legs. I don’t think the school can handle losing two Heathers.”

Though she looked like she wanted to argue, Chandler was quick to hold out a hand so that Duke could balance herself as she stepped across the gap between the ladder and the window ledge, until she finally could roll through the window and onto the floor, letting out a huge sigh of relief as she stared up at the ceiling, her vision soon blocked by Chandler staring down at her in bewilderment.

“Heather, my _parents_ are in,” she whispered harshly.

“I know. I saw their cars. Why do you think I came through the window?” Duke shakily stood back up on her legs. “However, I am never doing that again.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Admittedly, visiting you after only a day seems a little clingy.” Duke leaned over and pulled out the wine bottle wrapped in a red bow. “But I have nothing to do this Valentine’s day, so you wanna share a drink?”

Chandler arched a brow. “You have two girlfriends to spend it with, and neither of them are me.”

“We’re having a Valentine’s date another time. They weren’t feeling too good today.” She shrugged, before glancing at the bed and spotting bits of fabric placed next to a box full of sewing needles. “Oh, hey, you’ve been being productive?”

“How are they?”

It took Duke a moment to catch on what she meant. She sat down on her bed and slipped her shoes off.

“They’re doing okay, if not a little saddened by the whole situation in general,” she said. “But that’s to be expected.”

Chandler’s brows raised. “They’re upset?”

“You’re not the only one who’s missing somebody, you know.” She watched as Chandler’s gaze softened, and she considered continuing that conversation further, wondering where exactly it would lead. But then she stopped herself, realising that the most likely outcome would be yet another pity party, and she was trying to drive her _away_ from that route. “What are you stitching?”

“Hm? Oh.” Chandler sauntered over and came to sit next to her, crawling around her to settle in front of her sewing. “I just have some clothes lying around that I said I’d fix, and then procrastinated for ages, so I never got round to it. But now that I am both suspended and grounded…” She lifted up the black bra that currently had a needle stuck through a ripped strap. “I have more than enough time. I’ve been firing through them all day - I didn’t even realise it was so late until you came over.” She glanced at her clock. “I haven’t been to the bathroom in five hours.”

“Since _twelve?_ Heather, Jesus, go piss.”

“I’m not desperate.”

“ _I am begging you to go to the bathroom._ ” She shoved her towards the edge of the bed, to which Chandler rolled her eyes, but gave in. As she made her way out of the room, Duke noted that, while still definitely incredibly sad, she at least remembered to take care of herself. Her hair was in a bedhead style, but not necessarily knotted, and she hadn’t been hit with the foul stench of cigarette smoke this time, even though it definitely still lingered. It was a relief to see her influence had a lasting effect, or at least it had for about two days.

While waiting alone in her room, Heather’s curiosity got the best of her, and so she glanced at the box on the floor next to the bed, where a messy pile of clothes was tucked inside. Placing the wine bottle next to her, she picked the box up and began to rummage through the many clothes she hadn’t seen Heather wear in ages. Some of them were already fixed - an old shirt, a couple more bras, a skirt with a slight tear on it’s hem. Some still had some stitches needed, such as the red dress scrunched up at the bottom of the pile. Placing the box on the floor, she unfolded the dress and took a proper look at it - it was plain, bright red, and had one shoulder strap ripped from the front, allowing for half of the dress to flop forward despite clearly being tight. There were also some shredded holes around where the hip would be, like it had been stretched.

The door opening dragged her attention away, and she saw Chandler closing the door while giving her a deadpan stare.

“I was wondering what happened to this dress,” Duke commented. “How did it get so beaten up?”

“Uh-” Chandler darted towards her and yanked the dress out of her hold. “I’m not fixing that one today.”

The way she panickedly shoved it back into the box and buried it under the other clothes confused Duke.

“I thought you liked that dress. You always wore it to parties.” she said. “Why haven’t you worn it-?”

It was when those words left her mouth did Duke see Chandler run her hand over her shoulder, consciously or not, pulling her robe closer to her neck to leave less skin exposed. It clicked, and Duke instantly regretted picking the piece of clothing up at all.

“Why did you keep it?” she asked in a softer tone. Chandler stared at the box and shrugged.

“It’s just a dress,” she muttered. “It shouldn’t bother me.”

“Heather…”

“I’ve been wanting to fix it for so long so I could wear it again,” she murmured. “But every time I picked it up, I just… couldn’t.” She sat down on the bed. “But I don’t want to get rid of it. It’s _mine._ It used to be my favourite thing to wear. Why should I let some asshole steal that away from me?”

Heather gave her a solemn, gazing, pushing the sewing equipment aside so that she could crawl over to her and wrap two arms around her. It was the only thing she could think to do in the moment. Thankfully, Chandler just sighed and held Duke’s arms close, welcoming her comfort without a hint of resistance. It was something Heather never expected to see from her, but she was grateful for it happening. No matter what she had done, Heather had a clear view of what hid behind her walls, and what she saw was someone who she had never truly stopped admiring.

Only now, she could admire her a lot more.

“Come on, grab your favourite glasses and we’ll share some red wine,” she said after some long, strangely comforting silent moments passed, letting her go and budging over to grab the wine bottle and make room. Heather nodded, placing her sewing equipment on the floor and grabbing two wine glasses from under her bed and handed one to her.

“How fitting that you got red wine,” she commented as she held out her glass to her, watching it pour. “How’s everyone enjoying the new look?” She eyed her up and down. Duke was wearing more black than red today, though the red blouse she wore was a bold scarlet that she knew stood out in a crowd, a way of soaking up all the attention she was getting recently, no matter if it was negative or positive.

“I think they’re liking it. I know I am.” She sheepishly took a sip of her drink. “Do… you like it?”

Chandler didn’t respond for a while.

“It suits you.”

Duke frowned. “That didn’t really answer my question.”

“I _do_ like it, I just…” She swirled her drink around her glass. “I know when I come back to school, people won’t look at me the same. Everything’s _changing._ ”

“That could be for the better.”

“Heather, I’ve worked for _years_ to get where I am now, so to see it all crumble in front of me is _unnerving_ to say the least.” She looked at her with clouded eyes. “How will we both look, standing next to each other and both wearing red? I won’t know until it actually happens, and it _scares_ me.”

Duke’s gaze softened. “You’re just like Emmy.” She took another gulp of red wine and shuffled a little closer. “Yeah, change is scary and all, but it’s inevitable, and you just have to learn to change with it. And I’ve _seen_ you do it time and time again - don’t act like you’re powerless against it.” She nudged her with her elbow. “Heather and I clung to _you_ whenever we found ourselves in some sort of unfamiliar territory. There was a reason for that, and it’s because you’re far too stubborn to let the world get you down.” She looked at her own clothes and smiled. “Do you think I gained this confidence from nowhere? You’ve rubbed off on me, Heather.”

Chandler gazed back at her, light returning to her eyes as she took everything she said in. A slight simper appeared on her lips, and she murmured,

“I’m happy you view that as a good thing.” She stared at her wine glass. “Where did you even get a fresh bottle of wine?”

“Oh, I bribed Kurt to buy me some yesterday.”

“You’re still able to bribe those two?” She blinked in surprise. “I mean, I don’t mean this in a mean way, but I would have thought they’d be too shallow to still have the hots for you…”

“Well, that’s what they wanted me to think, but all it took was a…” She cleared her throat and gazed at Chandler with a sultry grin, which clearly caught her by surprise. “ _Please,_ Kurt? I would _very_ much appreciate it-” she ran a finger along Chandler’s jawline - which felt a _lot_ nicer than the poorly shaved stubble she had touched yesterday, “-if you did this little favour for me.”

She felt Chandler shiver and she broke out of character to laugh, taking her hand away. Chandler rubbed her jawline, her cheeks a slightly darker colour. “Yeah,” she stammered. “That’ll… that’ll do it.”

Heather took her being flustered as a pretty big compliment. Clearly she was getting a _lot_ better at being flirtatious, and with how powerful she knew that skill was, she was pretty smug that she seemed to be close to perfecting it already.

“You didn’t need to make sure I wasn’t lonely this Valentine’s, you know,” Chandler then grunted. “Like I care about some stupid holiday.”

Duke just burst out laughing. “I know more than _anyone_ that that’s not true.” She smirked at her, while Chandler gingerly looked away. “I know how many romance novels you’ve borrowed from me.”

“Oh really? How many is that?”

“17.” She cocked her head to the side. “Who knows how many more you’ve read that didn’t belong to me?”

Chandler bit the inside of her cheek, and despite how tired she appeared, Duke found her timidness amusing and adorable, to say the least.

“That’s all fiction,” she said. “This is real life.”

“No reason why fiction can’t be real life,” Duke said, sipping her wine. “You know, unless fiction involves supernatural elements or talking animals.”

Chandler just stared at her wine and gave an amused snort.

“Yeah,” she murmured. “No reason why at all.”

* * *

“And _this_ is why we celebrate all birthdays at Martha’s house,” Betty said, handing out the fresh slices of cake to everyone. “Her cakes are always best fresh out of the oven.”

“They technically still have to cool down so I can put the icing on.”

“You know what I mean!”

Heather was in fact very impressed by the triple-layered chocolate cake on her plate, and even more impressed when she took a bite of it. The sponge was soft and light and the frosting was packed with flavour - she wished she had a whole bowl of it.

“A whole bowl of what?”

Oh, she spoke out loud.

“Frosting,” she replied to Veronica, who snickered.

“You’d eat a bowl of frosting?”

“ _Yes._ ”

“How? That’s _far_ too sweet.”

“Yeah, well, espressos are far too bitter.”

“Touche.”

“Okay, now cake is handed out, time to watch _Rocky Horror,_ ” JD announced, before nudging Betty and Martha out of the kitchen and towards the living room. “Hey, has Heather actually seen _Rocky Horror?_ ”

Veronica gave Heather a questioning look, to which Heather slowly shook her head. Everyone in the room gasped.

“And you call yourself a lesbian!” Betty cried. “We need to fix this travesty. Let’s go.”

The group moved out of the kitchen, all holding a large slice of cake each, with Veronica and Heather lingering behind. She leaned towards Veronica and asked,

“What actually is Rocky Horror?”

“It’s a musical.”

“Oh! I like musicals,” she said gleefully. “What’s it about?”

Veronica opened her mouth to reply, only to have to pause for a moment so that she could think up an answer.

“Uhh… I watched it for the first time a little while ago,” she said. “From what I remember, it’s about… crossdressing aliens?”

Heather blinked. “Is that it?”

“No, no. There is a _lot,_ and a lot of it is offensive, but um…” She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “Okay, as much as I enjoyed it, I have no fucking clue what the plot is. I just liked the fashion.”

“I guess it’s a first for both of us then?”

“I guess it is.”

They all sat down around the TV, with Betty slipping in the tape and taking a seat between Martha and JD on the couch. Veronica and Heather, on the other hand, had made a little nest out of blankets and pillows on the floor, with Veronica spooning Heather from behind with her head going back and forth between resting on her head and on her shoulders, and her arms wrapped around her abdomen. Tucked comfortably in her hold, she happily held both of their plates until Veronica decided she wanted another bite of her cake.

She listened to Veronica point out things about the film she had missed the first time, while trying to understand the film herself. So far it seemed pretty normal. Just a couple stranded in a storm. Nothing out of the ordinary yet.

“Um, what the fuck.” Okay so creepy castle, she was willing to accept. That was pretty normal. A crossdresser singing ‘sweet transvestite, transsexual, transylvania’ was more unexpected.

“This is the least weird part of the film,” Veronica said.

“I… okay.” Heather just nodded in acceptance, continuing to watch the film, until, “Hey, as comfortable as I am right now, I kinda need to pee.”

Veronica’s hold on her tightened. “But you’re my blanket.”

“You have actual blankets, Veronica! I won’t be long.”

Veronica pouted, but let her go and took the plates from her. “Be quick?”

“Of course.”

“Do you want us to pause it?” Martha offered.

“No, it’s okay! I’ll ask Veronica what happens.” She stood up and stepped around the blankets and pillows awkwardly. “I’ll be quick.”

She hurried up the stairs and quickly did her business, before stepping out into the small hallway (seriously, she could never get used to how small these corridors were) and on accident, almost colliding with Martha’s mother. She stopped just in time and quickly apologised, but it seems Mrs Dunnsto- _Judy_ didn’t care at all and greeted her with a gleeful beam.

“Heather! It’s been a while. How have you been?”

While Heather was able to smile back, she felt awful lying in response.

“I… um…” She rubbed the back of her neck nervously, and her discomfort seemed to be enough for Judy to catch on.

“Oh.” Her voice softened. “Another argument?”

“Not… not between me and Heather, but Heather _did_ do a bad thing.” She stared at the floor, honestly a little embarrassed that she had to yet again explain there was a rift between her supposed best friend. “I sided with Veronica, and now we’re not talking to her.”

“Oh, dear.” Judy gave a sympathetic look. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Heather was about to refuse, knowing she had a movie to get back to, but the realisation hit her that she… hadn’t actually gotten a chance to talk about it at all. She’d listened to Veronica plenty, and then refused all of her attempts to ask how _she_ felt about the whole thing because she’d sided with Veronica largely to comfort her, not vent.

But this wasn’t Veronica who she was talking to, and who she was talking to was someone who, despite having not seen in years, she still would trust with her life. Weird how much effect your favourite teachers can have on you.

“If you don’t mind?”

“Of course not.” She smiled warmly at her, and Heather made a silent wish that she would one day have a mother like this woman. “It’s a little cramped up here, though. Do you wanna go sit outside again?”

“That would be nice.”

Heather was led to the backdoor, and while she made her way outside, Judy slipped into the kitchen on the way to grab something. When Heather was sitting at the table on the patio, she looked behind her to see Judy holding two glasses and a juice carton.

“Do you like apple juice?”

“Haven’t had it in a while, but yes, it’s actually my favourite juice.” She felt herself relax as she watched Judy pour the drink for her. “Thanks.”

“It isn’t a problem, dear,” Judy said. “Now, what’s troubling you?”

Heather sipped her juice, before letting out a very exasperated sigh. “Did Martha tell you what happened in school recently?”

“She said school’s been a little rough, but that could mean anything.”

“Well, that’s one way to put it.” She gazed guiltily at the house. “Heather… almost outed Betty and JD as transgender. I, um, hope you knew about that.” She winced at the realisation, and to her relief, Judy nodded.

“I did, no worries. And oh, that isn’t good at all.” She frowned. “Why would she do that?”

“It’s… a _whole_ mess, and what’s worse is that I can’t really tell you the whole mess, because a lot of it’s really personal to her. The best way I can put it is, she didn’t _mean_ to, but she also did, in that she wanted negative attention to be turned away from her by giving people something else to gossip about.” She watched Judy’s smile fall as she spoke, and she felt some sort of shame, even though she wasn’t to blame. “Veronica lost it, and rightfully so. They’re her friends. And I… I sided with Veronica to support her, mainly, but also I…” She watched herself twiddle her fingers. “I took everything you told me to heart, Judy. I don’t want to be some poor teen’s trauma after they leave high school. Granted, I probably already am, but better late than never.”

“Mhmm.” Judy nodded. “And I think that’s very admirable of you. Change is difficult. Despite that, I can tell something is still bothering you.”

Heather bit her lip. “I… being a good person is _hard!_ I’m not even getting the worst of it - far from it, if anyone is getting the worst of it, it’s _Heather._ Heather Duke, I mean.”

“Oh? What’s happened with her?”

“Oh, right, um… she kind of outed herself as trans to stop people from targeting the types of people Heather was talking about. And it worked - Betty and JD haven’t gotten any bother apart from a few suspicious stares here and there. They’re all too interested in her.”

“That sounds awful. How is she?”

“Well, she’s actually doing okay? She’s kind of taken the harassment and turned it on its head. It’s great.” A smile sneaked its way onto her lips - how could it not? She already loved Heather greatly, and now she had even more of a reason to. “She’s very strong.”

“She sounds it. But I hope she’s safe - trans women aren’t treated well by bigots at all,” Judy warned. “Just take care of her, even if she seems okay. I would hate for something to happen to her.”

“Me too. Thank you.” She nodded.

“Not a problem at all. Now, back to your problems - you’re struggling with what, exactly?”

“Oh, right. Well… it’s just the change of routine? I mentioned before how the whole being mean act is just to keep us safe from harassment. But now I feel completely and utterly exposed to it - we _all_ are. There is no shield protecting us anymore, and it’s been making me so _nervous._ ” She buried her face in her hands. “But at least Veronica has good friends to fall back on, and Heather is too stubborn to let Westerburg get her down. What do _I_ have? I’m not used to walking through hallways and not have people move out my way anymore. I’m not used to sitting at a different table. Hell, I even miss guys gawking at me, and I’m a goddamn _lesbian!_ ”

“I knew it!” Judy exclaimed, before covering her mouth. “Oh, sorry.”

A laugh escaped Heather. “That’s okay. I might as well tell you I’m actually dating Veronica. And also Heather. _And_ I’m also dating Heather, but right now we’re on break for aforementioned reasons.”

Judy seemed to gain stars in her eyes. “Oh! Oh that’s wonderful, you’re all in a polyamourous relationship?”

“A… a what?”

“Oh, you didn’t know what polyamory is?” She chuckled. “It’s the opposite of monogamy, and it comes in many forms. You, for example, I assume you’re all dating each other?”

“Oh, I mean, almost? Heather and Heather aren’t dating.” She clicked her tongue, shuffling a little closer to the table. “However, Heather _does_ have a crush on Heather.”

“I’m losing track of Heathers, dear.”

“Oh yeah. Heather _Chandler_ has a crush on Heather _Duke,_ but she didn’t want to go for it because they’ve had issues with their relationship in the past, and she thought it would be pushing it to ask for a more intense relationship.” She shrugged. “I can see where she’s coming from, I suppose.”

“I see.” Judy nodded. “Well, to go back to your troubles, then - do you miss Heather? Heather Chandler, I mean.”

“Of course I do.” Her head sadly hung. “I’m constantly wishing that things would go back to how they were - they felt so _perfect!_ Just before all this happened, we all had the most wonderful date with one another, and I know every time I’ve seen you I’ve had to complain about something Heather did, but I promise she is a very caring person. She just…”

“Only cares for a select few people?”

Heather nodded. “Yeah…”

“I see. You miss your routine with Heather, don’t you?”

“Every day.”

“It does sound very easy and comfortable. Being at the top of the school with no worries, and though it’s a shame you can’t kiss your girlfriends in public, you’ll do it as soon as you get home and it feels like nothing can get in your way, right.”

“Yes.”

“So why did it fall apart, Heather?”

“Because…” She chewed on her lip. “Because we disregarded everyone else. It was perfect for _us_ , but seeing how it affected other people, suddenly it wasn’t anymore. Suddenly I felt bad, felt like I had to confront what I was doing wrong, and cut it off. It just so happens I had to cut off Heather to do that, and it kills me.”

Judy gave a sympathetic look. “But you know it’s the right thing.”

“Yeah, I just wish it wasn’t.”

“Well… if I could give you some advice, maybe do less wishing and more doing,” Judy said calmly. “You’ve made your decision, and it was a good one, even if it hurts. Now you have a new problem of adapting to this new change you’ve brought on yourself. These things aren’t easy, Heather - especially not for someone like you.”

“I know.” She frowned. “Not knowing what’s going to come around the corner, both figuratively and literally… it’s _overwhelming._ I don’t like unpredictability, and now I’m surrounded by it. I don’t know how to deal with it.”

“But it’s not impossible,” Judy told her. “Because you _have_ been able to adapt to change, Heather. I mean, just look at you. I’m _still_ stunned you’re the same girl I taught all those years ago - you clearly _are_ capable of adapting to new environments. Can you think of you doing anything of the sort recently?”

It didn’t take long for Heather Duke’s words from yesterday to pop into mind.

“When I got kicked off the cheerleading team, and mind you, I was head cheerleader, I decided to join the soccer team instead,” she said. “It was rough, I’m the only girl on the team and I had to learn all the new rules, both in and out of game.”

“Has it turned out okay?”

“Yeah. I have my first game this week and I have two friends on the team.” She simpered. “It was tough adjusting, but I did it.”

“Exactly,” Judy said. “You’ll get through this, Heather. It might take some time, but you know you’re capable. Just keep a support system close in case you do get overwhelmed, okay?”

“I will.” She nodded and smiled.

“Just know, you don’t have to let rules hold you back. Even if those rules make sense, even if they’re comforting and keep a routine that not only you, but the whole school may follow - they should never keep you from being a decent person, and most certainly not from enjoying yourself. I know you view it as a loss, but there are many gains you can get from this newfound freedom from-”

“-Being a Heather? You’re… kind of right.” She took another big gulp of her juice. “I won’t lie and say I didn’t enjoy being a Heather, but I can’t do that anymore. I enjoyed it because it was _easy_ , but now it isn’t as easy as it once was.” She finished her drink and nodded in affirmation. “I’ll be okay - thank you, Judy.” She stood up, but just before she left, she asked, “Will I ever get Heather back?”

Judy gave her an uncertain look. “I can’t be the judge of that. Perhaps you will, and I hope you will, but it all relies on her wanting to change along with you. If she isn’t willing to do that… I am not sure how compatible you will all be with her.” She gave a reassuring smile. “But despite that, I know she probably has it in her. She sounds just as stubborn as she was as a child, but every time, she’d always come around because her caring side was so much stronger. I hope that’s still true, because if it is, things may turn out how you want them.”

Heather sighed. “I hope so.” She took her glass and gave her a smile, “Thanks again, though I should definitely get back to the film.”

“You should! I’ve held you back for far too long, hun. You go.”

She nodded and hurried back inside, slipping in the kitchen to place the empty glass next to the sink, then finally returning to the living room, this time with a much better attitude than she’d been holding for the past few days.

“So _are_ you attracted to him?” she heard Betty ask. “Because it sure sounds like it.”

“No! That’s not what I said!” Veronica argued. Curious, Heather hurried back around and jumped into Veronica’s hold, surprising her. “Oh, Heather! You said you’d be quick, what happened?”

“I got a little caught up,” she said with a smile, nuzzling into the crook of her neck. “I hope you didn’t get too cold without me.”

“I did, actually.” Veronica tightened her grip on her and pulled her closer, sneaking a kiss just behind her ear, causing Heather to giggle. “You’re a little more chippy,” Veronica commented, and Heather just shrugged dismissively.

“What did I miss?” she asked.

“Betty’s accusing Veronica of wanting to fuck Frank n’ Furter,” JD replied dryly.

“Which I _don’t_ ,” Veronica shot back.

“Every time you’ve watched this film you’ve commented on his appearance,” Betty said.

“All _two_ times, yes.”

“I believe you, Veronica!” Martha exclaimed. “You just like his style.”

“Yeah! Thank you, Martha.” Veronica looked at the TV screen. “Look, I’m not saying I want to walk around in a corset and suspenders, I’m more just into the lack of rules, you know?”

“I’m listening,” Heather said, gazing up at her from where she lay on her chest.

“I’m just saying, I wish _I_ could dress in some sort of androgynous way like that,” she said. “Not like _that_ \- if I wore that outfit, I’d look even more feminine. Which wouldn’t be a _problem,_ but you have no idea how tiring it is to constantly be feminine when you’re a Heather.”

Everyone slowly turned to look at her.

“What? Everyone gets tired of being feminine, don’t they?”

“No,” Betty replied.

“No?” Martha said with uncertainty.

“I don’t think so?” Heather added.

“Yes, but, I mean…” JD gestured to his general self. Veronica looked around the room, shrinking a little.

“You mean… no one else here gets tired of being seen as a woman all the time?”

“No, quite the opposite,” Betty said. “You know what, I take it back. You don’t want to fuck Frank n’ Furter.”

“ _Thank_ you.”

“But you’re gonna _wish_ that was it.”

Veronica arched a brow at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Because figuring out your gender is a lot harder than your sexuality,” Betty said. “At least, from my experience. Might be different for you.”

“Um?” Veronica stared at her. “Betty, I’m a woman.”

“A woman who gets exhausted by her womanhood?”

“Well… um…” Veronica gritted her teeth, before looking at Heather. “Mara, help me out here. You get tired of womanhood, right?”

Heather genuinely did try and think of a time she felt such a way, but nothing relevant came to mind.

“I’ll dabble in masculine things, like soccer and whatnot, but that’s not really me getting tired of being a girl.” She lifted herself up and gave her a thoughtful look. “What exactly gets you so ‘tired’, so to speak?”

Veronica bit the inside of her cheek. “I dunno, wearing the same feminine clothes all the time, being treated as a girl in a sexual sense, even just being referred to as such all the time makes me wish for some sort of break.” She shrank into her shoulders. “You’re saying no one else feels like that?”

“Not really,” Heather said.

“Same here,” Martha agreed.

Both Betty and JD raised their hands.

“May we suggest that perhaps you-”

“I’m not trans,” Veronica cut them off. “Being a boy all the time would have the same effect. It’s not that I dislike being a woman, it’s that it’s just grating to be _just_ that.” She then rolled her eyes at herself. “I sound ridiculous.”

“No you don’t.” Betty reached towards the coffee table to press the pause button on the remote. “I wasn’t going to suggest that you’re a trans guy. I’m not going to suggest that you’re anything - that’s _your_ job, not mine.”

“I think I’m just a tomboy,” Veronica stated, but Heather tilted her head in doubt.

“I don’t know, Veronica. _I’m_ a tomboy; I didn’t like girly hobbies as a child and now I’m on the soccer team. But I don’t get _tired_ of being a woman, I just act like a woman in a different way from other women, if that makes sense?”

“Unfortunately that does make sense,” Veronica muttered, her cheek squished against her palm as her brow furrowed in thought. “I never even thought about any of this before - I assumed what I felt was universal.” She let out an exasperated groan, slumping back against the arm of the chair as her voice escaped into the air. “Well, we can add this to the list of things I have to worry about these days.”

Heather gave her a sympathetic look, as did the rest of her friends, though looking back at her defeated appearance, Heather was filled with determination. She grabbed Veronica by the shoulders and pulled her back up.

“Veronica, you don’t have to follow any rules anymore!” she exclaimed. “If you wanna break the rules like Frank n’ Furter, then you can! We’re not following any rules anymore, right?”

Veronica blinked at her, a little stunned. “I mean… no, we’re not.”

“Then break your own rules and do whatever you want! Everything’s already gone to chaos, might as well get the best out of it, right?”

Veronica raised a brow. “I mean… you’re right.” She leaned a little closer and narrowed her eyes. “But since when did your mood get lifted? What did you do in the bathroom, huh?”

Heather snickered. “I didn’t do anything in the bathroom, aren’t I allowed to get a burst of confidence?” She cocked her head to the side. “Maybe it’s the game I have tomorrow.”

“Maybe,” Veronica said, before grabbing her by the hips and tugging her a little closer. “Not that I’m complaining.” She leaned in, and so did Heather, and perhaps the space between them would have been closed had Betty not loudly cleared her throat.

“There are other people in the room,” she announced, and Veronica and Heather jumped apart, though Veronica’s arm remained around Heather, keeping her close.

“Sorry,” Veronica said. “You can play the film if you want, I’ll have my gender crisis later.”

Heather rested her head on her shoulder. “You know, if you’re free tomorrow, I can take you to the mall and try out some new looks for you,” she suggested. “In fact, we both can. These are trying times and I’m bored of moping around about it, so how about we find a little bit of joy in our freedom?” She then gasped loudly. “ _Soul-searching shopping._ ”

Veronica snorted in amusement. “Soul-searching shopping, you say?”

“I like that title!” Martha chipped from the couch. Heather smiled.

“Thank you! So do I!” She looked back to Veronica. “And yeah! Let’s just go to the mall and spend a stupid amount of money on things that we’ve always held ourselves back from getting, just to lighten the mood! Maybe along the way we’ll find something you’ll actually like to wear that isn’t tiring.”

Veronica’s lips curled up, making Heather’s heart flutter.

“I think I’d like that,” she murmured, resting her forehead against hers. “Have I ever told you that for a Heather, you’re incredibly sweet?”

“Probably,” Heather murmured, kissing the tip of her nose. “But that’s okay, I like hearing you say it.”

Veronica grinned, before pressing a soft kiss against her lips. Then, to break the tranquil moment, Veronica turned to her friends and asked loudly,

“Anyone wanna join us on soul-searching shopping?”

“When?”

“Tomorrow? We’re seeing Heather over the weekend,” Veronica said with a shrug.

“I have a shift tomorrow, I’m afraid,” JD said.

“We’re free!” Betty said, and Martha nodded. “We’ll come soul-searching.”

“After my soccer game then, maybe?” Heather suggested. “That’s happening at about half 4, should be no more than an hour or so.”

“Eh, I’ll come watch, why not.” Betty shrugged. “Martha?”

“Sure! I actually quite like sports.”

“Perfect! We’ll all meet up then and try and lift all our spirits.” Heather beamed, for quite possibly the first time in over a week, and it earned her Veronica pressing her forehead against her temple as she wrapped her arms around her waist.

“Thanks, Heather,” she murmured with a quiet tone. “I love you.”

Heather smiled at her. “I love you too.” She then turned and looked at the TV screen. “Now, seriously, what did I miss? I have no clue what’s happened in this film since I left.”

“Right,” Betty said, staring at the screen. “Uh… where to start…”

“Well you see, Heather, they just created a sex slave,” Veronica explained.

“...I’m sorry, what?”

* * *

“So we’re still sticking with the blue theme,” Heather said, eyeing the choices that Betty and Martha had returned with. Meanwhile, Veronica just sat on one of those plush seats in between clothing aisles, waiting patiently for the final result. As it turns out, trying to pick a new style had been a little too much pressure, with how bad she was at actually accessorizing. At least, that’s what Chandler had always told her, but in this case she was inclined to believe her.

The truth is, Veronica had never cared about what she wore. It’s why her outfits pre-Heathers were all so… messy? She just didn’t see _why_ one should care about what they wore, not unless they were trying to impress anyone. Before senior year, she’d had no one to impress, not even potential boyfriends. Then she became a Heather, and she blindly accepted that things were different, and her appearance mattered. She accepted her new look and her new clothes and never questioned it once, not even when the thought of dressing differently came to mind. She had no emotional attachments to her old clothes, and her new clothes made her feel pretty, so what does she have to worry about?

As it turns out, a lot, because _apparently_ people _actually_ care about their presentation. Not in a, ‘I must spend three hours figuring out the perfect look for me’ way, but more of a ‘yep, this outfit that I threw on in like five minutes? This is me.’

Veronica never experienced that, and she hadn’t even noticed it until now. And now that she had, she couldn’t stop thinking about it.

“So, did you want to ditch skirts entirely?” she heard Heather speak up, and she shrugged.

“It isn’t that I don’t like them - I do! I just… I don’t know, it’s more of the associations with them than the clothing itself. I like how they look, but I guess I don’t like how everyone else looks at them.”

“That’s okay!” Heather smiled in understanding. “Would you rather jeans? Shorts? Leggings?”

Veronica bit her lip. “Heather, I really don’t know. I really _can’t_ accessorise for shit.” She sighed and let her face fall into her hands, before looking back up at the mirror in front of her. She’d chosen to wear her long coat today, hoping to cover up her newfound insecurity. She suddenly understood JD’s love for his trenchcoat, because it was definitely the perfect shield for eyes that she didn’t want looking her way - not right now.

“Okay.” Heather thoughtfully hummed, before looking back to the clothes Betty and Martha were holding. “I can make this work.”

“We kinda just picked out whatever,” Betty said, looking at her doubtfully. “I dunno what you could make out of this.”

“Don’t doubt me, I was the one who suggested Veronica wear blue,” Heather told her with a grin, somehow taking all the clothes into her hold. “I’ll go and see what I can make from these with Ronnie - you two just go ahead and look around, see what you like! Don’t turn anything away because of the price tags - I still have some birthday money left.”

“Are you sure, Heather?” Martha asked. “I know you’re rich and all, but I don’t want to just _use_ your money.”

“I’m offering it to you,” she said, before sighing. “How about I give you a limit so you feel less bad? Not that I’d care if you went over it. How’s $150?”

“That’s a _lot!_ ” Martha exclaimed.

“Is it?” Heather blinked in surprise. Veronica rolled her eyes.

“Heather, your privilege is showing.” She grabbed her hand and gestured for Betty and Martha to leave. “Seriously, just go pick out whatever you want, it’ll hardly make a dent for her.”

“If you say so.” Betty shrugged and took hold of Martha’s hand - _oh, how subtle of you_ \- and pulled her away before she could protest again. Once they were lost in the clothing aisle, Heather and Veronica made their way to the changing rooms and drew the curtains.

“Okay, so,” Heather dropped the clothes onto the single seat in the corner of the room and clapped her hands. “I actually _really_ like this blazer - as nice as your current ones are.” She picked up a black and white blazer with asymmetrical patterns and far less tight than her current ones were. “I wouldn’t be caught _dead_ wearing it, and I’m sure Heather and Heather wouldn’t either, but I think it suits you!”

“Because it’s… unfashionable?”

“No, because it embraces your unique taste in fashion!” she said, slipping Veronica’s coat off eagerly. “I’m taking your old style of clothes and making them look nice.”

Veronica allowed herself to be undressed and then dressed again in the first outfit, which consisted of that blazer, her usual white blouse she always wore, along with not one, but two options for her lower half. One was a navy skirt, while the other was high-waisted black jeans, cuffed just above her ankles so at least she still had a little blue on her, even if it was just her socks.

“I like this one better, I think,” she said, turning around to get a better look. “I like the skirt too, but I’m so _burnt out_ on skirts, if you know what I mean?”

“That’s okay! These show off your figure very well, so I’m not complaining.” Heather briefly placed her hands on her hips, a sultry grin beginning to form, before it disappeared and she jolted away. “Wait, you said you didn’t like being viewed as a woman sexually. Was that not-”

“Oh, no, it’s okay,” Veronica smiled at her reassuringly. “You’re right, I don’t necessarily, come to think of it, but it never really bothered me with any of you because… you guys don’t ogle me anywhere near as much as guys do. You don’t really see me as a _hot babe_ , you just see me as _Veronica._ ” She shrugged. “I guess that’s something I still need to explore, but one thing at a time, right? What other clothes do we have?”

“Right.” Heather turned around and began to rummage through her clothes, and while she did, Veronica continued to admire herself in the mirror. While, yes, she did look very feminine still, knowing she had actual _intentions,_ that she was actually _using_ her presentation for something now, gave her a new, strange feeling that she had never really felt before. She felt _good_ \- more than just pretty through everyone else’s standards. These were by _her_ standards, she looked the way that she _wanted_ to look, and even if that message didn’t reach a stranger’s eye, even if everyone continued to perceive her as a woman… _she_ still knew what that message was.

It felt _euphoric._

They ended up deciding on three more clothing combinations - a light blue blouse with a navy, long blazer and a matching navy skirt, a very loose blue floral silk cardigan over and equally loose grey top, and finally a blue striped blouse with a bolder blue waistcoat and jeans to accompany it. No doubt these weren't the only clothes she’d buy, but for now, she could live with three new diverse outfits in her wardrobe, and who knows what she could make out of her outfits already at home?

“It’s a shame Heather couldn’t come,” Heather mused as they picked up all the clothes and left the changing room. “But it’ll be a really nice surprise for her tomorrow!”

Veronica bit her lip. “Do you think she’ll be okay with it?”

“Why wouldn’t she be?” Heather tilted her head, confused. “I feel like out of anyone, she’d be the most overjoyed.”

“I know, but… I still don’t know what my gender _is,_ Heather. I’m not a guy, and I don’t think I’m a girl - I feel like I’m both just mushed together. Is that weird? That’s not even a thing, surely. I feel like I’m making shit up.”

“Veronica, don’t be a dumbass!” Veronica stopped and looked further down the clothing aisle they had both wandered into and saw Betty and Martha making their way up towards them, now holding their own clothes that they likely intended to buy. “Non-binary people are more common than you think, and they’re existed for even longer.”

“Non… binary?”

“Can hardly blame them, numbers suck,” Heather quipped.

“Non-binary just means anyone who identifies outside of the gender binary,” Betty explained. “It’s existed for a lot longer than cis people like to admit; ever heard of third genders in indigenous tribes?”

“Betty, why would I know about that? No one’s educated about indigenous tribes or Native American culture; White America is too pussy to admit their only culture is built on colonialism and genocide.”

“Okay, true,” Betty said with a nod. “I’ll educate you more some other time. But basically, you’re not alone in not identifying with only maleness or femaleness, and you’re certainly not weird. Unique, sure, but there’s nothing wrong with you.” She hooked an arm over her shoulder and smiled. “And the best thing about being non-binary is that you have no rules! You make your own. It’s like getting a lego set! I, a trans-woman, didn’t like the set I’d been given, so I decided to pick a different one that was still pre-made, but I much preferred. Not to say I can’t play around with that set however I want, because fuck it, why would I need rules either? But basically, you decided to scrap the whole playset idea and start from scratch. You don’t have any base to go off, but who needs one? Just do whatever you want with yourself, Veronica.”

Veronica let those words sink in, and suddenly it seemed to all come together. Not just _her_ , but _everything._

Everything that had felt unnerving at school, everything she’d worked to become, every rule that she’d always been told to follow? It was all bullshit. None of it was real, it was just a recommended structure that, in reality, shouldn’t be recommended at all. She knew the food chain wasn’t set in stone, but that didn’t mean it didn’t _feel_ real, no matter which end she stood at. But now that the Heathers were… shaken, let’s say… suddenly it felt like the whole hierarchy had collapsed. Or, not collapsed, but a very vital piece had been taken out from underneath it, and now it was just a shaky building no longer attached to the ground, and try as it might to stay put, _it was going to crumble._

So, fuck social constructs. She’ll break any that needed breaking, she decided. Whether it be for the good of others or for the good of herself, she didn’t care - she would break them and save whoever got the short end of the stick, no matter how many people would say, ‘no, they can’t be saved, losers like them get eaten by the wolves, there’s nothing you can do about it’. Yeah, well, wolves don’t live in Ohio, _Heather._

“Did you find any outfits you liked, by the way?” Betty asked as Heather and Veronica returned the clothes they chose to not use. Veronica nodded.

“I did! How about you?”

“Yeah, I have a couple new shirts here, and Martha found some earrings and fluffy socks she wants.” She pointed to Martha’s noticeably smaller hold than either Veronica or Betty. “Did you find everything you needed? No more soul-searching?”

Veronica thoughtfully hummed as they made their way towards the cash register, looking into a passing mirror as she figured out an answer.

“I don’t think I’m done yet,” she said. “Just for now.”

* * *

“Will she definitely be okay with this?” Veronica asked, glancing at her outfit. She’d chosen her blue striped blouse and sleeveless waistcoat today - nothing too stunning for a Valentine’s date, but she certainly didn’t look like a mess either. Oh, and wearing a hat was a nice little touch from the courtesy of Mara.

“Of course she will be!” Mara stood on her tiptoes to reach up and fix her hat, which she imagined was crooked from the wind blowing. “Trust me, it’ll all go smoothly. You’re just anxious.”

“Being anxious is my thing,” she chuckled nervously, before the back door opening caught her attention.

“Veronica, Heather’s here!” her mother called, before stepping out the way to allow Heather to pass. She was wearing her pale coat with a red belt again, and as soon as Veronica’s mother left them to it, Mara took it as an opportunity to run up onto the patio and embrace her tightly, as well as pressing a kiss against her lips. Duke was a little taken aback by the sudden enthusiasm, but from the smile on her face, Veronica could tell she clearly didn’t mind.

“You’re excited today,” she commented, pushing her back a little so she could continue walking down to the garden, though she did have the courtesy to take Mara’s hand and walk alongside her. “Are those new clothes?” She nodded to Veronica.

“Yeah, they are,” Veronica replied, doing her best to not sound anxious.

“I picked them out for her!” Mara exclaimed, letting go of Heather’s hand so she could leap across the space between her and Veronica to link arms with the latter. “What do you think?”

“They look nice.” Duke eyed her up and down and gave a supportive smile, before she pulled a corner of her waistcoat that had been accidentally tucked in her jeans. “Okay, much better.”

Veronica snorted in amusement. “That’s typical of you.” She tucked a stray black strand behind her ear in return, before leaning down to plant a soft kiss on her lips, which Heather reciprocated and let her hands cup her face, which definitely helped Veronica relax under her gentle touch.

“Okay, how about we get this game of croquet started, and then we can give you your late Valentine’s presents?”

Duke pouted at her. “Why can’t I just have them now? They’re already late.”

“You’ll see.” She hurried over to the mallets and balls laid on the grass and picked up Heather and Heather’s. She threw their respective colours to them, and saw Duke look at her green mallet with uncertainty. “Something wrong?"

“Nothing,” she assured her. “I was just hoping to be red.”

“Oh.” She picked up the green ball and walked over to her to take the green mallet back. “I can get that for you. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, it’s just colour.”

“But it’s a colour you want. I’ll go get it for you - anything to make you happy, no matter how little or insignificant it seems.”

Heather smiled at her gratefully. “Thanks.”

Veronica hurried back inside the house and swapped out the green colours for red, which felt a little strange, admittedly, but she reminded herself that the constructs Heather had created weren’t real. She associated red with her, but that doesn’t mean red _was_ her. For today and onwards, they could be Duke’s colours rather than Chandler’s. And if Chandler ended up being forgiven, they could just share it, because red is just a colour that happens to make the two of them happy, for whatever reasons.

“Here you go,” she said with a confident smile, handing the mallet to her. “Now, shall we play?”

“Get ready to lose,” Duke jeered. Veronica and Mara just laughed, knowing full well it didn’t matter, so long as they had fun doing it. Granted, it would be nice to win, so Veronica wasn’t exactly being laid back during the game. Despite her efforts, however, it was Mara who ended up winning, being able to shoot her ball right across the garden and through the hole.

“Ha! I win! I win!” she cheered in victory, hopping up and down in an excitable manner.

“First you shoot the winning score for your soccer game, and now this?” Duke sighed, dropping her mallet in defeat. “We should have seen this coming.”

“Probably,” Veronica agreed, dropping her mallet as well.

“Thank you!” Mara bounded across the garden and grabbed Duke by the hand, tugging her towards the house. “Now come on, we need to give you your presents!”

“I still don’t know why you couldn’t do that first, you’re clearly excited for me to see them.”

The situation suddenly dawned on Veronica, making her feet feel weighed down against the ground for a moment, but she took a deep breath and gazed at her two girlfriends who smiled carelessly at her, and she was able to lift her feet and follow on behind. They hurried up the stairs and into her room, where two gift bags were waiting patiently on the bed, both decorated in red ribbon and glitter. Veronica closed the door and kept her distance as Heather made her way over to her gifts, slipping her shoes off and hopping onto the bed.

“Mine first!” Mara explained, whilst shooting Veronica a knowing wink. She jumped onto the bed next to her and pushed her gift bag towards her, which Duke took with little questioning. Veronica came to sit at the foot of the bed and watched as Duke pulled out two boxes. She opened the smaller one first, and found two red, glittery heart-shaped earrings inside. She picked them up and shone them in the light to admire them, thanked Mara with a kiss and replaced the green earrings currently in her ears with them.

“I think I’ll save these for more special occasions,” she said, letting Mara bat them gently with her finger. “Since they’re from someone very special.”

“You’re too sweet,” Mara cooed, planting a few kisses up her neck. “Now open your other one!”

“I am, don’t worry.” Duke opened up the larger box, at first met with tissue paper covering up what was inside. She pulled it out and looked inside, and gasped. Truthfully, Veronica didn’t even know what the surprise was, since she hadn’t been with Mara when she’d bought it, so to watch Duke pull out a clearly fake, yet also rustic looking skull was least expected.

“It’s for Bubblez!” she said. “I know you’ve been wanting to spice up his tank a little.”

 _Oh._ Okay, that makes more sense.

“I love it,” she said, grinning stupidly. “Yet another place for him to hide.” She cupped her chin and kissed her. “Thanks, buttercup.”

“ _Buttercup,_ ” Veronica echoed with a laugh, while Mara just sat there, stunned and flushed.

“Quit laughing, bluebell, you’re next,” she quipped as she reached for her gift bag. Veronica couldn’t even think of being nervous about her opening her present up, the pet name had caught her so off guard. She did register Mara giggling at her, however, and so she just pulled tongues and mouthed, _“buttercup”_ back to her.

“Oh, you got me succulent!” She lifted the plant out the bag and spun it around to admire the burst of petals that grew longer the further from the centre they got.

“It’s an Echeveria,” Veronica explained, shuffling a little closer, paying no mind to how she had yet to notice the note sticking out of the soil. As expected, she clearly assumed they were plant maintenance instructions. “I thought one might look nice in your room. Also, you can think of yours truly whenever you see it.”

“My window sill definitely needed some decoration.” She looked over to Veronica’s, which was covered in succulents. “Thanks, bluebell, hopefully I won’t kill it.” She kissed her cheek, and Veronica giggled.

“Hopefully you don’t lose a potential green thumb with all the other green things you’ve dropped.”

“I’ll still wear green, it’s not a bad colour,” Duke said, before taking out the note to read it. Hopefully she didn’t hear Veronica’s breath hitch, and paid no heed to how she held it in as she read over the first side, which did indeed have information on how to take care of the plant. She quickly realised that the note was in fact folded up, so out of curiosity, she unfolded it and found there was writing inside. Veronica sucked in a breath as she watched her read over the few words written for her, those being,

_By the way_

_I’m trans too. Just found out the other night. Hope you don’t mind._

_P.S. according to Betty I’m non-binary. That’s really wordy so I’m thinking of just calling myself bigender instead. Not sure if anyone’s thought of that, I just thought it would be neat to have my gender sound like my sexuality haha. *Finger guns*._

Duke put down the slip of paper and handed the plant to Mara, then looked at Veronica, at first with an unreadable expression. Veronica’s teeth were digging into her gums as she waited those awfully long couple of seconds for a response, and she only remembered to breathe when she felt hands take hold of her own.

“Are you changing your pronouns?” was the first thing that Duke asked. Veronica stammered for a moment.

“I… I didn’t even think about that.” She chewed on her lip. “What are my options? Just he and she?”

“There’s they and them,” Duke suggested softly. “It’s gender neutral. Or you can just make up your own.”

“I… don’t really know?” She laughed nervously. “Guess I should try them all to figure out.”

“How’d you figure it out?”

“...Rocky Horror?”

Duke burst out laughing. “ _Ah, I see._ It was an awakening.”

“Kinda,” she said, unsure giggles still escaping her.

“Also, you dumb fuck, why would I _mind_ you being trans?” Duke cupped her face to give her a dumbfounded look. “You think I’m claiming the label all to myself?”

“I just thought you might think I was hopping onto a trend! I don’t know, I know it was a dumb worry, but I didn’t want to, um… I don’t know…”

Duke rolled her eyes. “No one wants to hop onto the trend I’m leading right now, trust me.” She leaned a little closer. “I’m just happy to know I’m not alone, even if you never tell anyone else outside our circle.” She pressed a consoling kiss against her lips, and just like that, all of Veronica’s worries evaporated. She melted into the kiss as a sense of overwhelming unity flooded through her, making her hold Heather’s hands tighter than ever.

“Thank you,” Veronica murmured against her lips. Heather said nothing more, just gave a content huff that brushed over her face. Then she moved away to get a better look at her.

“So is this new look it?” she asked, gesturing to her clothes. “Or do you plan on taking things further?”

“Further?”

“Well, it’s all new to you, but transitioning can involve a lot or a little, depending on the person. Mine involved going on hormone blockers just in case my intersex body decided to give me a male puberty, then taking female hormones, and also getting breast implants because my fat distribution sucks.”

“Wait, wait, go back,” Veronica stopped her. “What’s intersex?”

Duke blinked at her, a little surprised. “Did I not- oh, no, I never told you, did I? I told Betty and JD.” She snorted at herself. “My biology’s pretty ambiguous; won’t go into specifics, but basically, it was ambiguous enough for the doctors to not know which gender I’d end up being when I grew older. My parents had to guess, and they guessed wrong.” She shrugged. “And that’s why I’m trans.” She then snickered. “I feel kinda bad that I’ve not debunked having a dick, though, but hey, I like to keep people guessing. It’s funny.”

“So… even _sex_ is fluid? Not just gender?”

“Yeah, pretty much.” She patted Veronica on the shoulder. “You’re whoever you say you are, not even sex is reliable in telling you. Now, back to my question, are you finished with your transition, or do you still have some way to go?”

Veronica looked up and down herself. “I’m not really sure. I don’t think I’m finished yet, I mean…” She ran her fingers through her hair. “I kinda wanna modify a few things?”

“Like what?” Mara asked, shuffling a little closer.

Veronica slipped off her hat and smoothed out her hair. “So, did I ever tell you guys how my hair used to be a pixie cut?”

“I already knew that, but only when you were a kid,” Duke said.

“No!” Mara replied. “That sounds cute.” She gasped. “Do you wanna go back to it?”

“Hmm… I don’t think so. Not for now, anyway. I… kinda grew my hair out because everyone kept mistaking me for a boy, and while I didn’t necessarily mind-” _oh, foreshadowing,_ “-I _did_ mind being called homophobic slurs for it, so I grew it out and started wearing dresses.” She grabbed a thick lock and stretched it out, checking its length. Without it being curled, it was past her shoulders, which was honestly beyond her comfort zone. Thank God for her mother’s naturally curly genes. “I don’t _mind_ how it looks right now, but it’s in the same boat as my other outfits. It’s just kind of _there_ \- I never cared enough about it to do anything with it?” She sighed. “But I have no idea where to begin with it.”

She glimpsed at Duke, who had a grin spreading across her face.

“You’re in luck, V,” she said.

“I am?”

“My mom’s a hairdresser, and back when I was an annoying kid, I begged her to teach me how to cut hair. I cut my own hair, actually.” She ran her fingers through her black tresses. “I’m just saying… if you have the right scissors and perhaps a razor, I’m definitely down for helping you out.”

Veronica widened her eyes. “Really?”

“Yep. Now, do your parents happen to have some good hair cutting scissors around?”

“Maybe? Probably hidden with clutter.” She slid off the bed. “I can go ask.”

“Oh! Ronnie’s getting a haircut!” Mara squealed, her hands flapping around excitedly.

“I guess I am,” Veronica chuckled, running her hands through her mess of hair for quite possibly the last time.

Veronica’s parents did in fact have hair scissors and a hair razor in the bathroom, which was in the process of being coated in brown clumps of hair that continued to fall as Duke trimmed around the edges. While she used to just let her hair grow as it pleased and then just slice an inch off when it got too long, this time Duke was adding a few layers, mainly just near the ends of her hair to give it a more refined shape. It was still around the same length, though there was definitely a noticeable difference in style already.

That wasn’t even counting the main change Duke had insisted on, and that was giving her bangs. Veronica’s hair had all been the same length before, so cutting the front of her hair short was intimidating, to say the least, but so was this whole transitioning process. She agreed, and so far she liked the results. Somehow Heather had a skill in keeping her bangs fluffy with the same amount of volume as the rest of her hair, despite there now being less of it. She couldn’t stop staring - she’d never been a fan of bangs, really, she did actually like her hair being poofy and wild, and bangs never seemed to get that look across. Turns out she was wrong - it was absolutely possible, and with a look she was more than content with staring at even when she didn’t need to, she felt that same euphoric feeling buzz in her chest once again.

“Okay, I think I’ve got the shape I was aiming for,” Heather said, fluffing out her slightly soaked hair. “I just have one more idea that’ll be subtle in terms of appearance, but a big change for you.”

“What is it?” She locked eyes with Duke’s reflection, and saw her lift up the electric razor.

“An undercut,” she said. “Just a slight one - you won’t be able to see it without lifting your hair up, but it’ll add some nice shape to your hair.”

Veronica stared at the razor, wondering whether she was willing to take that big leap for a whole two seconds, before giving a determined nod. Even if she didn’t like it, it would grow back. If she did, it would be a win for her. Might as well take risks and see what she really wants herself to look like.

“Go ahead.”

With that, she heard the buzzing sound switch on, as well as Mara’s excitable gasps from somewhere behind them. Veronica felt the razor graze over the back of her neck, followed by the tickling sensation of hair rolling down it as it was sliced off. She waited patiently, not moving as Duke cut off a right amount, then blended it with the rest of her hair. Soon the buzz turned off and Duke gave her head and neck a few last swipes with her hair to get rid of stray hair strands, before turning on the hairdryer and blowing away any clumps she missed, as well as drying the damp parts of her hair and allowing it to fluff up into its normal shape.

“Veronica!” Mara exclaimed. “You look so pretty! Handsome? Every word to describe looking amazing.” She saw Mara admiring her hair in the mirror and giggled.

“Thank you,” she said, finally able to feel around her own hair. It felt soft and neat and well shaped, and the fuzzy part at the back was definitely working for her so far, even if she hadn’t seen it yet. That is, until Duke grabbed a hand mirror from the counter and lifted it to the back of her head, allowing Veronica to get a better look.

Duke had been right; her undercut wasn’t noticeable at first, but when lifting her hair up, she could see it very clearly. And it looked fucking _cool._

“Oh, you’re right, the undercut was a _great_ idea.”

“I know it was,” Duke said with a snicker. “Do you like it?”

“I love it,” she said, overwhelmed with joy. “Thank you so much.” She stood up to embrace Duke, lifting her off her feet as she did so, which earned a surprised squeak from her.

“Ah, you’re welcome?” Veronica dropped her, and was met with a hand running over the back of her head straight after.

“You okay, Mara?”

“It’s a nice feeling,” she said, clearly fascinated by the fuzz. As her fingers felt nice brushing against the back of her head and neck, Veronica leaned into it and purred, up until Mara finally stopped and looked at Duke with a pleading grin. “Hey, Heather? Don’t suppose that you would wanna… I dunno…”

Duke raised a brow. “ _You_ want an undercut?”

“...It looks cool.” She shrugged. “And it’ll grow back.” She sauntered towards her and gave her wide puppy eyes. “ _Pleeeaaaase?_ ”

Duke blinked at her, before sighing and gesturing for her to sit down. Mara squealed happily and had to be told to stop wiggling in her seat before the razor was turned on. While they did that, Veronica thought it would be a good idea to not only go downstairs and show her parents her new look, but also grab extra bedding and a mattress; while four of them had been able to fall asleep on her mattress at Christmas, one or two of them may or may not have woken up at 3am with a crick in the neck and had to move to the spare room to continue sleeping, and unfortunately, Veronica had woken up only with Chandler in her arms. She wouldn’t make the same mistake again, even if there were only three of them this time.

She told Heather and Heather where she was going, then left to show off the new haircut to her parents. They were surprised, but impressed.

“I wish I had someone like Heather to do my hair when I was a teen,” her dad had said. She’d definitely ask him about that story at some point. She then kissed them both goodnight, even though it wasn’t exactly late, knowing she’d likely be unable to tear away from her girlfriends for the next few hours. She then went back upstairs, grabbed some extra blankets and dragged a mattress to her room and dropped it on the floor, before dragging off her own mattress and plunking it right next to it. Homemade queen-sized bed!

“Ronnie! It’s done!” Mara burst into her room just when she got the layout ready, and Veronica realised that her undercut was far more noticeable. It was still just at the back, but as her hair was always tied up in a ponytail, no doubt people would be able to see it. Honestly, she looked beautiful, and also…

“You look hot.” She cleared her throat. “And, um, pretty.”

Mara raised a brow and smirked. “Is that so?”

“...Yeah.”

“You don’t look bad yourself.”

At some point, they’d stalked towards each other and met in the middle, where they wrapped their arms around one another and pulled each other closer into a heated kiss. They stayed like that until Duke returned.

“Oh thank _God,_ more space.” She looked at the mattresses on the floor. “No offense, but sleeping with all three of you on that mattress last time was _hell._ ”

“Yeah, don’t worry, I know.” Veronica leaped onto the double-mattress. “Now, we’ve all had a pretty wild week, how about we all hold one another for the next few hours?”

Heather and Heather exchanged a look, before both smirking down at her. Before Veronica got a chance to ask why, she found herself being tackled by both of her girlfriends, smothered by two people who, despite being much smaller than her, were difficult to shove off. Not that she really wanted to, but dammit, she wasn’t about to fall victim to her tiny girlfriends.

“No! This isn’t fair, you’re combining your strengths.”

“Most of it is Emmy, not me,” Duke said, holding Veronica down by straddling her hips. “I don’t see why you’re complaining, though.”

Veronica bit her lip as she looked down at the thighs wrapped around her waist. “Me neither.”

A very light and painless slap on her cheek from Mara snapped her attention away. “Quit being horny,” Mara scolded.

“You’re not one to talk.”

Mara rested her chin on her chest and batted her lashes innocently. “Me? I don’t see what you mean.”

“Okay, Miss Honorary Sagittarius,” Duke said, shoving her off Veronica. While Mara was busy rolling over and laughing, Veronica gazed up at Duke curiously.

“So speaking of things we haven’t spoken about,” she began. “If you don’t mind me asking, how did your first with Mara really go? Go into as much detail as you want.”

A slight blush appeared on Duke’s cheeks as she took a second to gather words for a reasonable and definitely not e-rated response.

“It was nice - better than I thought it would go,” Duke said. “I thought Heather might get confused with the brand new tools to work with, but she made it work.”

“What can I say? I’m good with my tongue,” Mara quipped with a sultry grin. Veronica, as to not let her mind wander to inappropriate places, covered her smirk with her hand and made herself keep staring at Duke as she spoke.

“So you enjoyed yourself?”

“I did, even though cleaning up afterwards was gross.” She shrugged. “But I’m willing to put myself through that for the experience itself.”

Veronica tilted her head. “So… you’re okay with sex?”

“With good foreplay, yeah.” Duke arched a brow knowingly at her. “Why are you asking me?”

“No reason, none at all.” She failed to keep her eyes from dropping back down to the thighs still straddling her hips. They only lingered for a second, though that was long enough for Heather to roll her eyes and slip off of Veronica.

“Is she always this horny?” she asked Mara, who shrugged.

“Pretty much. We fucked in a school stall once.”

“That’s disgusting.”

“We didn’t do it on the toilet or anything!” Veronica protested. “Just against the wall.”

“Still, those bathrooms are gross.” Duke’s expression was twisted in disdain. “It’s why I carry hand sanitizer everywhere - I use those bathrooms a _lot,_ unfortunately.”

“So I take it you’ll never want to fuck in a bathroom,” Veronica guessed.

“ _No._ Now, Veronica, where’s your gameboy? I wanna beat your high score on mario.”

“I like your priorities, Heather. And it’s in the third drawer down on my nightstand.” She watched her hurry over to her nightstand and gave a prideful huff. “But you won’t be able to beat my high score. That took me years of being an introverted loser with one whole friend during high school.”

“Don’t _doubt_ me, Veronica,” Duke told her. “Heather, bet one one of us. Who’s gonna win?”

“...Veronica.”

“You’re a traitor.”

“ _You’re_ a traitor. You’re still talking to Heather,” Mara shot back.

“I am just making sure she doesn’t die of alcohol poisoning. So far it has been successful,” she replied, not looking up from the gameboy.

“Okay, well, I’m glad about that.”

“Speaking of which, has anyone seen Ms Fleming this week?” Veronica asked, letting Duke sit in the middle of the three of them and resting her head on her shoulder to get a good view of the gameboy.

“I think she’s coming back next week,” Duke said. “Joy.”

“I’m surprised they didn’t expel Heather. She broke a staff member’s bone,” Mara said.

“I imagine the staff secretly thought, ‘oh, thank God, someone finally did it,’” Veronica said. “So they let her off easy.”

Mara snickered. “Maybe.”

“Okay,” Duke then announced. “I’m going to prove you both wrong and embarrass the fuck out of you.” The game screen lit up and Veronica exchanged a determined look with her, silently accepting the challenge. Not that there was any point; Veronica had worked _really_ hard to get that score, there was no way Duke was beating it in one night.

* * *

...So Duke won.

Veronica was incredibly bitter about it and Duke was lucky that she loved her too much to be mad at her for very long. Luckily it had been a while since her ass got beat, so she wasn’t _too_ bothered about her defeat anymore. Instead, she was currently staring up at her ceiling in the dark while listening to the light snoring from Mara next to her.

“You’re still awake.”

Veronica blinked at the sudden quiet, yet still incredibly loud voice right next to her. She turned away from Mara and towards Duke, who was gazing back at her with a gaze that was still heavy, but slowly gaining back light.

“I slept for a bit,” Veronica said. “For maybe an hour.”

“What time is it?” Heather asked, yawning.

“Like, 1am?”

“Please get your caffeine addiction sorted,” Duke groaned.

“It’s not an _addiction._ ”

Duke deadpanned at her. “Yes it is.”

Veronica pouted. “Okay, maybe a little.”

“A lot.” She held her gaze for a moment. “So, what were you thinking about?”

Veronica’s tired brain took a moment to realise what she meant. “How you beat my high score.”

“You were thinking about something more serious than that,” Duke said. “Your brow was furrowed in that typical ‘I’m in serious mode’ Veronica look.” She brushed a finger over the area between Veronica’s two brows, making her nose twitch. “Unless mario is _really_ that important to you.”

Veronica clicked her tongue while trying to think up a good way to express her late night, worrisome thoughts.

“Is it hard?” she asked quietly, unsure if she even wanted her to hear. She did, though, her face was inches from her own. “Being trans? You make it look so easy.” She averted her gaze. “Don’t the names and the staring get to you?”

Heather stared at her, eyes suddenly glassy, saying a thousand words at once.

“Of course,” she murmured, her voice raspy. “Of _course_ it gets to me.”

Veronica gazed at her sadly. “How have you held up so well?”

Heather simpered, giving a shrug with a single shoulder. “The same way I have for years - no one but me will ever know how much these things affect me.” She shuffled a little closer so she could lower her voice even more, despite Veronica hearing the tiniest whisper loud and clear in the silence of her bedroom. “I’ll deal with the baggage when I’m out of sight, but until then, I’ll stay stronger than everyone else, because as soon as I become a difficult target, less people will bother with me.”

Veronica sighed, cupping Heather’s cheek and gently grazing her thumb over her soft skin. “You’re very brave.”

Heather smiled at her. “So are you.”

Veronica wasn’t entirely sure what she was referring to, and usually she would have asked her to clarify, but her brain was a little too hazy to hold a proper conversation right now. Instead, she let her mouth run its course.

“Do you wish you weren’t trans?”

Heather’s eyes flickered side to side, as if piecing together what she’d said.

“No,” she replied simply. “I just wish it were easier.” She pressed her cheek against Veronica’s palm, and somewhere under the bedsheets, her hand found her waist. “But I’m okay where I am. I mean, it’s been a week, and I’ve already given five guys boners.”

Veronica stifled a snicker. “Five?”

“Two of them I didn’t even touch.” Her tone suddenly became relaxed, as if looking too deeply into her own struggles was too much effort. Just too tiring. It was fun when she thought about the fun parts she could skim off the surface. “But really, the three guys I did - _every time_ it’s some sort of challenge, like, _oh, bet if you kiss me I won’t get turned on!_ I see right through it; they probably wanna prove to themselves that they’re not attracted to a trans woman. Then they have the audacity to get surprised that they enjoyed being kissed by the person they’re attracted to.” She rolled her eyes, as well as rolling on top of Veronica, having at some point hooked her leg around Veronica’s waist whilst talking. Veronica definitely didn’t mind her weight pressing down on her, not at all.

“What about the other two?” Veronica asked, intrigued, while wrapped her arms around the back of Heather’s neck.

“Seductive whispers are a beautiful thing,” Heather said. “So is ‘accidentally’ bending over a little too far.” She made quotations around that ‘accidentally’. Veronica impishly grinned, tugging her a little closer.

“This is a side to you I never thought I’d see,” she murmured. “But I’m definitely enjoying it.”

“You like me having this much power over guys?” she questioned. “Because amongst all the shit I have to deal with, I too have been having a lot of fun.”

Veronica snorted. “If I come out dramatically to the school as non-binary, maybe I should pull the same kind of stunts to see what you’re on about.”

Heather chuckled, shaking her head. “It’s a lot of work on top of the ridicule - I wouldn’t recommend it.”

Veronica huffed, a little disheartened. “Yeah,” she agreed. “I don’t think I’m as strong as you.”

Heather frowned at her, cupping her face and looking her dead in the eye. “Veronica, you could stay closeted your whole life and you’d still be strong.”

“How so?”

“You accepted something about yourself. That’s already enough.” She rested her forehead against hers in an unexpected moment of tranquility. Veronica closed her eyes along with her, holding her against her for a good long while, while Heather continued to speak. “And you were able to tell Heather and I, and I imagine your other friends too. That’s already very brave.”

Veronica felt her heart warm with confidence and pride, her words on their own giving her some sort of strength to uphold her newfound identity without shame.

“You were able to tell the whole school,” Veronica said. “And you haven’t let it get you down. You’re really strong, Heather. It’s what I love about you, amongst many other things.”

Heather gave a dismissive huff. “V, I could be sobbing and crying over every name thrown at me and I would be no stronger than I am now. I’m much happier to _not_ do that, but some people don’t have the luxury of being able to let others throw rocks at them. No one’s weak for being knocked down. It’s more of the fact that I’m far too stubborn to let that happen to me. I’m a Heather, and therefore a drama queen - I am absolutely going to make it tough for people to knock me down, even if it’s _incredibly_ painful.” She shrugged, and Veronica chuckled fondly.

“Typical Heather - wanting to make everything hard for everyone.” Her hands moved to her cheeks and pulled her closer. “I should take notes, I like being a pain in the ass.”

“Trust me, you don’t need to take any.”

Veronica shot forward and took Heather’s lower lip in between her teeth out of faux spite. Luckily for her, Heather didn’t seem to mind, melting into the light nipping Veronica gave her. Their lips stopped talking and instead began to move against one another, a little rougher than they usually were, but by no means hard and desperate. Just a quicker pace than they were used to.

“I am stronger than you in _one_ sense, though,” Veronica pointed out, and before Heather could question what that was, Veronica pressed her leg between Heather’s, her thigh pressing on her stomach as she shoved her weight off of her and rolled across the mattress so that their positions were reversed. Though it was dark, Veronica could see the darker shade tinting Heather’s cheeks as she gazed down at her, thanks to the faint light seeping through from outside. Heather’s mouth was open too, like she was thinking of some sort of comeback that never arrived in time, because Veronica had already locked their lips together again. She cautiously slid her tongue over her bottom lip, asking for permission to enter, which Heather obliged, tangling her fingers in Veronica’s hair as her tongue ventured, and that grip tightening when Veronica gently sucked her bottom lip.

Something ignited within Veronica, and she blamed that side of her for how the leg that had remained between Heather’s legs pressed harder, eliciting a gasp from the girl lying beneath her. When her head was thrown back, Veronica took advantage and kissed down the length of her neck, nipping in places, but never biting too hard. She relished in how Heather writhed under her, her hands wandering to places she had yet been able to explore - thank goodness for the ability to unbutton her long pajama shirt.

“This okay?” she whispered breathlessly just before undoing a button that would surely show more than just cleavage.

“Yeah,” Heather breathed, relaxing under Veronica’s touch. Veronica had yet to undo all the buttons, instead taking it slow and only parting the shirt enough to let her hands and mouth explore her chest, and God did she enjoy how much there was to touch.

“Tell me if you need to stop, or need to take a break,” Veronica told her in the midst of all the squirming. Heather rolled her eyes and mouthed a ‘duh’, before pushing her head back down. As Veronica eagerly continued, though, she hardly noticed the figure next to them both stirring.

“You two know these mattresses aren’t the quietest things in the world, right?”

Both Duke and Veronica’s heads snapped to Mara, who had lifted her head off the pillow with an intense bed head and a half-lidded glare, eyes threatening to close at any moment.

“Sorry,” Veronica apologised. “Did we wake you up?”

“It’s fine,” she said with a yawn. “Just remember, if you do penetration, go slow. She’s only done it once before.”

“Heather!” Duke whined, clearly somewhat embarrassed, but Mara shrugged.

“You weren’t gonna tell her, and trust me, putting something too big in there _hurts._ ”

Duke groaned, folding her arms. “Okay, fine. _Thanks,_ Heather.”

“No prob.” With that, she made a rockstar hand gesture, before flopping lifelessly back onto her pillow, hair completely covering her face. Veronica found it adorable, and a giggle escaped her, before her attention returned to Duke.

“So, one finger?”

Heather slapped her on the arm, and Veronica cackled quietly, as to not disturb Mara.

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t, you love me,” Veronica said, grinning down at her. “That’s why you’re dating me, isn’t it?”

Heather raised a brow at her, not fighting the smile that crawled onto her lips.

“You got me there.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> happy pride month, let's fuck after coming out <3
> 
> https://heathersgameoftag.tumblr.com/


End file.
